A New Kind of Normal

This week I feel like I've been thrust into a whole new world.

I feel like a live in a new city and am having to learn to make new friends and navigate a new place.

I know that I need to embrace this "new normal" but it isn't what I want.

It's not what I asked for.

I want the old normal back.

I feel like a little kid beating her fists against the wall (I'd be lying if I didn't say I've beet my fists on the couch in frustration this week) begging God to give me what I want.

There are brief moments between boughts of trying not to cry at school that I know God is faithful. I know he does not leave us alone. I know there is a plan for me.

My prayers today is that I am allowed to go back to the old normal...but with new perspective.

But I'm trying so hard to learn to live in this new normal. And embrace it for the gift that it is.

School

I haven't really been doing a good job of chronicling my school stories...So here's one. The assignment was to "define steepness" and tell me whether or not a ball rolling down a hill would go faster down a steeper hill...or a less steep hill.

Here is one of my sweet babies responses (spelling and grammar untouched).

"Well...from my knowledge if I was to tell What steepness means then I Would say its like a hill, With aWhole bunch of rock. in it Which makes it look cricket (crooked) or jacked up. So I Would say its like a jacked up area full of rocks. And if I Was to choose or answer a Question that says "Would a ball roll faster down a steeper hill then My ansWer Would be yes. And of cource if you roll a ball down its going to be faster because it has rocks Which makes the ball-bouncing everyWhere so it Wouldn't stop and keep on going fast - So that's What I think steppness means and that Would be the Way I describe it."

**WHY DOES HE CAPITALIZE ALL HIS W's"

My other favorite:

"I think a ball would go way much faster down a steep hill. A steep hill goes downer, or has deeper hill. While the ball rolls down it catches more speed so then yes I believe a ball would roll faster down a hill."

HOW DID I GET TO THIS PLACE...Way much faster...downer...??? Really?

I feel compelled to share...

There have been moments in my life that felt like hell.
There have been time periods in my life when the over arching emotion I felt was fear or sadness.
But honestly...they are small.

I was talking to a friend the other day and he was "aww the things you've had to overcome..." - and not in a bad way and I wasn't at all offended. It fit perfectly well into the conversation we were having. And so, I began to mull it over in my mind. He's not the first person to have said it...and lately when I've heard it, it's gnawed on me. SO - I thought about it. And, over all...while there are certainly things I'd change. I am happy...and have felt loved and supported on my journey.

It makes me wonder what little trivial things I've blown out of proportion.

When I began this post I thought I was going to list the terrible...but now I see I am not. Instead I want to talk about Catherine (not her real name).

Catherine was in 4th period and was called down to the office. She came back and asked me to step outside to speak with her. I did.
She began by telling me that someone had called DCS on her family. She said her sister told someone at school she'd been raped last night and she needed to go back down to the office because her mother was there. Then she cried.

I don't teach elementary school because I'm about as sympathetic as a rock. Not for lack of empathy, but because it's just awkward...but I wanted to cry with this child.

In the moment I could know her uncertainty and the fear she surely feels. Maybe there's more to the story than I could ever know.

All I know is that she is living a type of hell I've never known. So many of my students are living a type of hell I've never known.

I told someone the other day my life is great. I'm happy and content. And today I am affirmed. My life is SO GREAT!

Join me in praying for Catherine today...

Thoughts...

I was reading today from this website.



I was particularly moved by this passage:



In Our Lord's life Jerusalem was the place where He reached the climax of His Father's will upon the Cross, and unless we go with Jesus there we will have no companionship with Him. Nothing ever discouraged Our Lord on His way to Jerusalem. He never hurried through certain villages where He was persecuted, or lingered in others where He was blessed. Neither gratitude nor ingratitude turned Our Lord one hair's breadth away from His purpose to go up to Jerusalem. (emphasis mine)



I particularly like the bold part. He never hurried when persecuted: Okay, I get that. God endured what he needed to endure for the good of humanity. I got it.



The part that is beautiful to me is he never lingered when blessed.



I think it is easier to not hurry than it is to not linger. I like to linger. I like to linger in places that are comfortable. I like to linger in places that are familiar. I like to linger in places where I feel blessed. So my thought for today is....Could holding on to good things be a sin? I think yes. Good is the enemy to Great. And I believe today that lingering in good places keeps us from experiencing the GREAT THINGS God has for us.

Absent.

So I haven't posted in a while.

Why?

1. School has started.
2. Cheerleading has started.
3. Life is busy.
4. Cheerleading has started.
5. Football season has started.
6. Cheerleading has started.
7. My graduate classes have started.
8. Cheerleading has started.
9. Not much exciting has happened.
10. Cheerleading has started.

So you get the idea. Cheerleading takes over my life in the fall. Since the girls don't try out until the 2nd or 3rd week in August and the Fresh/Soph football season starts the last week of August of the 1st week of September I can't ever cancel practice...unless I have a meeting...which still means I work late.

That coupled with the fact that I don't have internet at my house = not many posts.

If anyone knows a wireless internet provider...that doesn't require me to get cable...and is cheap...please let me know. I've been unsuccessful thus far.

SO...

Let's talk about the fun stuff...

This weekend for example....

Friday night Stephen's parents took us to see Chihuly @ Cheekwood. If you live in Nashville. GO! It was so cool....and if you get a chance to be sneaky and touch the glass....DO IT! :)

Saturday was GEORGE and REBA! It was such a good show.
Le'Ann Womack opened up and was WONDERFUL.
Reba came out and was AMAZING!!!! She looks good to have been around forever, and she sounded amazing.
GEORGE was B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. - His tight wranglers....starched shirt...black cowboy hat...velvet voice...and don't even get me STARTED on all the video they played of him doing the cowboy thing and riding horses....He's just a beautiful man....and if I were 30 years older.....

Sunday -

also. SO. FUN.

I did the Nashville Challenge with some girls from work. If you don't know about it check out www.challengenation.org and make plans to do it next year. It was a 3 hour scavenger hunt around the city. My teams one goal was to beat the other teachers...and we failed...BUT - We came in 18th out of roughly 65 other teams (i think)...and our time was about 88 minutes.

Some of the things we did...

• Took a picture on the Shelby Street bridge mimicking the batman building
• Took our picture out Ft. Nashboro
• Begged a man in a Vince Young jersey to throw a football to us.
• Begged a band to let us get on stage and act like rock stars
• Built a pyramid on the capital lawn
• Took pictures on top of the ruins of the capital columns
• Scoured town for a building built in 1895 (that would make the building HALF as old as Nashville if anyone is wondering)
• Took a photo with the picture of the part of the Aycock statue that resembles a rose...(p.s. NO PART of the aycock statue resembles a rose in my opinion).
• Successfully located someone with a drivers license from a state that begins with the letter "N"
• Sat on some map of TN and took a picture with Springfield (the city)
• Did a Charlie's Angle pose with a cop (and we found a friend!)

Some other things we did that were NOT on the list:

• Yelled at a woman in the lobby of the Hilton
• Asked every single customer in Hooters if they had a license from an N state.
• Asked every single person on the street if they were from Nashville
• Asked a woman in a skirt to squat as "low as she possibly could" to take our picture (she didn't...and we're glad)
• Chased a car down the road because it had a New York license plate
• Ran around the city
• Had lots and lots of fun with some really fun coworkers

Overall...It was a WONDERFUL WEEKEND!

I don't ever want to care...

There are just some things I don't ever want to care about.

I don't ever want to care if all the blinds in my house are open to the same level.
I don't ever want to care if everything in my house matches.
I don't ever want to be jealous.
I don't ever want to REALLY care what people think about me.
I don't ever want to care about test scores.

But Mostly...

I don't ever want to care if all the blinds are the same level.

I just listen to people talk sometimes and I don't understand why they care about the things they care about. I'm sure they feel the same way about things I care about (owning a copper kitchen aid mixer for example).

I care if I have a house...and if other people have a place to live.
I care that I can afford to keep my house clean and liveable.
I care that I am loved.
I care that I don't hurt others.
I care that my students learn to be productive...and learn to be happy.

I also care about my feet and copper kitchen aid mixers....but those things make me sound shallow!

Stream of Consciousness

SO...

I'm getting ready to start the year.

And here are my thoughts.

Teaching takes way more time than I gave it last year.

I read a news article this morning that says that the state is going to announce Proficient and Advanced scores this week. I am hopeful that my kids still make significant gains.

I can't help but feel like this is important.

I know some non-TFA teachers who think test scores are dumb. And I do to when I'm feeling pressure...but I also think that if your kids are learning they WILL pass the state tests.

Passing tests does not equate learning...

BUT -

If you learn you past tests....

I'm on the fence.

I'm finding that I'm on the fence about a whole lot of things lately.

I hope I'm not becoming less opinionated.

My dear crazy friend is starting a new food fanatic crazy thing. Some of it I agree with...Some of it I think is in excess....I think that it is all good. Just not all necessary...but, the problem is that I'm just SO ON THE FENCE about all of it. Even after reading a lot about it.

I'll be back to talk more about raw milk and real meat.

Sorry for the random stream of consciousness.

I probably shouldn't post this...

But I've had a lot of thoughts today.

You see...I was suppose to leave today for Ixiamas. A 24 hour bus ride. Lots of time to think. Instead I've been out and about in LaPaz, and spending some QT at the Hotel Sagarnaga with my thoughts.

About love.

You see, it's facebook's fault really.

I've been contemplating two of my friends recent engagement.

I would call them both friends, because they were both dear people to me at different critical times in life, but I've lost touch with both of them. Save for facebook, I would have no idea of their impending wedded bliss.

BUT - and here comes the insanely shallow, i'm almost too embarassed to post it part - here goes...

They are both marrying people who I feel are...umm...not very attractive (judge me if you want)...I am sure that they are both deeply attracted to and in love with their fiances...BUT, are they. These girls are GORGEOUS.

Really pretty people...Sometimes I wonder...and I think this is way off base...but I'm afraid there comes a point were people settle.

Let me start by saying that both of these women are WONDERFUL and have both had the opportunity to be in relationships with very attractive men....I hope they wouldn't settle.

I don't know their fiances.

But it brings me to this question...

What is love?

Really.

I would say I've been "in love."

I would say that "I love."

But what is love. And not just romantically.

I love Ixiamas, and Chas (the monkey) and chas my friend for that matter...I love my family...the griswold's...my roommates and friends...a hot bath....a cold glass of milk...being in charge...feeling important...my mom's dogs...a beautiful sunset...my new short's from J.Crew...the long pretty lingerie thing I tried on before someone's bachelorette party (Ha!).

Anyways...You get the point. The list could go on forever.

Let's take Chas. I will miss him deeply when I leave him...So is love missing deeply?
Bath's...It's a taken for granted pleasure...Is that love?
My mom and dad...I'd die if anything happened to them...Is deep sorrow over potential loss love?
Griswold's...I've learned much from them...Do we love that which teaches us?

My J. Crew shorts and the ligerie dress thing don't fall in any of the above categories...but I love them too.

ANYWAYS. I've gone on a tangent.

How important is the physical attractive quality. I'm attracted to my boyfriend, but can that be expected to last forever? Will I forever be attractive in anyone's eyes? I hope the answer is yes, but somehow I think that maybe it's no.

Is having fun with someone where you draw the line...We say it's the person you "can't live without"...but let's be honest...we can all live without. We just choose not to.

I've gone on a tangent. All I mean is...I'm glad my friends have fallen in love with their fiances. It has made me think.

My conclusion is love is not an emotion.

Voddie Bauchaum defines love as

"An act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action, on behalf of it's object."

When do you act?

I think it is less about the attractive factor (at least I hope so) and more about being challenged...being pushed...laughing...crying...being a better you...worship...life.

If you are still reading...How do you define love?

If you left in the middle of my rambling, I don't blame you. :)

Chas...

Meet Chas.

Chas is our monkey friend who lives at the internado.

Our friend Francie runs a monkey refuge, but this little guy is TOO little to live on the refuge right now, so rachel and the kids are "monkeysitting" for a while until chas is big enough to be released into the wild.

I have a million pictures...He's my favorite subject.

These are my favorite...

Chas eating my left over lunch...He liked the bowl:



Chas in my bed. This is where he falls asleep most nights. Then I move him to his bed:

My favorite Chas picture. This was the first day I met him....and YES, that is his pacifier...he also has a toy car and a toy grenade:

Chas after a bath. He was quite annoyed with me...but he was REALLY dirty:

And this is the "real" chas. I met him in 2008 when I was interning in Ixiamas. He came with a group...He interned last summer at the internado...and his nickname was monkey. So naturally when the internado got a "real" monkey...they chose to call him chas! :)

P.S. I can't spell check here. It does it in Spanish...so forgive any mistakes

Bolivia

So - I probably won´t have pictures for a few weeks, but I think I can do pictures when I go to lapaz. Word on the street is they have wifi.

SO - here´s what´s going on

1. I got my suitcase today. That means I have more than 1 and a half outfits...and I can start using a normal amount of deodorant, facewash and toothpaste.

2. The kids are back. Until Saturday

3. I´m buildng a rabbit hutch. Better than the ferro cement tank from two years ago, but still hard.

4. I love having my own room this time.

5. We´ve had GREAT food so far. We start bolivian food today.

6. I´ve had good coffee. Which is just unheard of in ixiamas. Becky being here sure helps things.

7. I´m having to do internet way more than I like.

8. WE HAVE A MONKEY! Named Chas. I love him.

9. We have kittens. I might bring one back.

10. I´ll try to post every once in a while.

Check back for i´m sure interesting stories about how I´m completely incompetent.....

Oh, in sad news, one of my favorite kids got kicked out of the internado. I´m going to go look for her in town to talk to her.

In happy news I found out Zoraida...my chicitita peligrosa...(dangerous little girl) still lives in town. Í´m going to stalk the elementary school to see her this week. We´ll see how that goes.

I´ll try to be a faithful for my 3 readers (thanks Rachel, SFL, Holli, A - MAYBE? and Cassie sometimes).

:)

Beach

This is DEFINITELY my favorite picture from Toomer House Beach Weekend 2010. I LOVE FEET, I LOVE THESE GIRLS, I LOVE THE BEACH! In that order. Kidding. I love the roomies more than feet.

Maybe.

There was a little oil. Cass, Britt and maybe Anna? got oil on them. I threw caution to the wind and swam anyway...oil free. It really is sad though. There were a few birds with oil on them, you could see it washed up in splatters on the shore and two roomies said they saw bigger tar balls down the beach. It really is terrible!

There needs to be retribution.

Seriously.

Anyways...

Love to the roomies.

I'm off to Bolivia

SO EXCITED!!!

I love my new little blog background and header. I finally figured out how to do something semi cute. It doesn't compare to some...but I'm happy!

I'm on hour 10 of traveling and we are closing in on hour 11.

SO - I didn't check to see if the flight was on time - Result: losing 2 hours of sleep
SO - I didn't check my bags right - Result...hassle of having to recheck them
BUT - THEY LOST MY BAGS - It's ar eally long story but when I initially didn't check them right, the girl was like "OH, I can't change them now b'c they are already on the plane and labeled." THEN, when I realized they were lost the woman was like "Oh, well if you're gonig to Bolivia we'll just send them there" ME - "Yeah, but do you even know where they are?" HER - "I don't know for sure, probably on the next flight."

I tried to explain to her that I am leaving LaPaz as soon as I get there, so there is no hope of me getting them "later." I don't think she understands that Ixiamas is either a 26 hour bus ride OR a $75 flight + a 4 hour car trip.

NOT EASY!

Oh well.

My mom is in Italy and there bags were lost for awhile, but they have gotten there.

In other news I am done with my portfolio....Well, except for 1 piece of info I'm waiting on and one paper I can't do until I get back in July.

HOPEFULLY they will let me turn it in late.

P.S. there is this really adorable hispanic couple to my left right now, they are discussing their kids who are coming in. The woman has a million questions and the man keeps answering her with other questions. She just told him she was sick of it. They are funny.

Okay. Maybe I will upload some photos soon.

LOVE YOU ALL - Check back soon for updates on life in Bo-town!

I just have some thoughts...

My heart hurts for my kids this morning.

One of our students was shot and killed yesterday afternoon. Literally less than an hour after leaving school. 3 hours prior he had sat in one of my friends classes. I don't know the student...

but I do.

I know him in the faces of everyone of my students who are living the same life.

I received the e-mail about the shooting last night around 11. I was sad about it - but I was tired and selfish and thinking about my own stuff. It wasn't until this morning, when I saw one of my students run into the bathroom and collapse on the floor in sobs that my heart was really heavy.

Or when I saw a line of students who would normally be running up and down the hallway, flashing gang signs, causing a ruckus and generally being loud and obnoxious...but today they were standing quietly in a line.

Or when I saw this huge black kid...who looked to be about 17...the victims age...hugging a teacher and trying to cover his face and the tears streaming down it.

Even right now there is a child sitting in my room crying. We have counseling services set up in the library but she doesn't want to go.

My kids are KIDS. They shouldn't know pain like this. I know kids die. But it shouldn't be the way this student died...the news said:

The 17-year-old Antioch High School student was wounded and then dumped on Hobson Pike just across the county line in Davidson County, Ashe said.

Dumped is the word that stands out in my mind.

I don't know if it is gang related, but a different news source said that two groups of people were meeting...my guess is it was gang.

But yet - in spite of this...it won't be enough to rid my kids of the gang life they are so deeply entangled with...as FRESHMAN.

If things don't change it won't be long before this story becomes the story of one of my students. As tough as they are...and as hard as they want to be - they are kids. Kids who have been let down by society. Kids who have not been given a fair shot. Kids who end up dead on the side of the road because they didn't have the support they needed.

As incredulous as it seems, my prayer is that through his death, at least one child will choose a better life for him/herself.

My first class...

So my first class EVER is leaving. I am in the last 30 minutes with them. I'm not REMOTELY sad. I mean seriously. Not even a little.

Does that make me a terrible person?

STRESS...

I just booked my ticket to Bolivia.

It was the most stressful half hour of my life.

Most of the stress was COMPLETELY my fault.

#1. I waited a WAY LONG TIME to book my ticket - you see, despite what I was told I was CONVINCED that it wouldn't be more expensive. SYKE! (how do you even spell that?)

#2. I just COULDN'T decide when to come back. This is precisely why I waited so long to book in the first place.

I have had this theory that if I would just book a flight I would make everything else work around it...(obviously since the flights are so dadgum expensive).

I was back and forth between the 11th and the 20th. A group is coming in on the 11th and leaving on the 20th. I decided on the 11th. I'm really sad I won't be there with the group. I really enojoyed watching other people fall in love with Bolivia last time. If I think about it I will just get sadder. I want to be there with the group. But the flip of the coin is I HAVE A TON OF WORK TO DO when I get back.

I need to finish my portfolio for school, I have several PD days I need to attend, and I am going to want to spend time with my family and friends.

Now that I am typing it I feel like I should have stayed until the 20th. But - you know what?
If I get there and still decide I need to stay longer...I'll just change the flight. It'll just be a little more money.

What's money?

I think money is dumb and we should move to a barter society.

Ex: Bolivia - I'll come down and explore and love your country and write a book and convince all my friends to come visit if you will just let me come down for free. Deal? Deal!

That's how the world should work.

Anyways...Check back starting June 9th for Bolivia updates!!!!

I'm done...

AND SO ARE MY KIDS.

Sorry for the absence. 1 - I don't have a computer right now...and probably won't for a while.
2 - I've been busy 3 - S left for Colorado FOREVER (or 11 weeks...but that's almost forever right?) 4 - My kids at school have been CRAZY...They are so done w/ school...Not really, but they think they are. Which is worse.

INSANELY WORSE.

And, I swear they are just getting stupider. If anyone ever finds this blog I am going to get fired.

I need to double block my facebook...and make sure I never put my blog address on there. Except I probably will when I go to Bolivia.

Anyways.

Here is an example of how my kids have LOST THEIR MINDS. I swear...sometimes I think they are kindergartners in 9th grade bodies.

Me: Class- this is a test. Do not talk. This is a test. This is the test I gave you study guides for last week. Class this is a test.
Student: Ms. Singleton...you already gave me this.
Me: No I gave you the STUDY GUIDE for it
Student: No, I have a thing that looks just like it but w/out the multiple choice.
Me: I know that was the study guide this is the test.
Student: So when is the test.
Me: RIGHT NOW.
Student: You mean I have to take a test right now?

Does anyone even read this anymore? If there is anyone out there...comment so I don't think I'm talking to myself. I'll be more faithful when I'm in Bo-Town. I swear!

Nashville Floods: Bell Rd. & Blue Hole Rd..mov

This video is a street I pass to go to work!!!

Crazy flooding!

Pray for the many people who have lost so much. We have had power and water throughout, and no water damage. Most people have not been as fortunate.

BOLIVIA!!!!!!!!

The "official" Bolivia dates are now June 10th - July 11th OR 20th. Or maybe sometime in between if I decide I want to site see in LaPaz.

There are a million reasons I am excited:

1. I won't be a newbie this time.
2. I know people and will get to connect with old friends
3. There will be no other new people to distract from my experience (selfish much?
4. I get to go to a Bolivian wedding reception (I don't even know what this means but it sounds fun).
5. I get to just hug Nancy forever. Maybe we can talk more to each other.
6. Rachel and Mateo are married now...that's fun
7. Becky is SUPER COOL and I'm excited to spend more time getting to know her
8. I doubt Becky will ever suggest I not eat dinner because I'm a woman and "women" don't need to eat 3 meals a day...
9. Stephen will be gone all summer anyways...So I might as well peace out too.
10. INSANE amounts of time in a hammock with Jesus! :)

A million...Ten...That's about the same right. I could write more...about how I am excited to shop in town...or buy mandarine's on the way home...or walk to kids to school, or go fishing Zoraida style (even though she's not there :( ... Walk to the internet cafe...Walk to town...Have a meal with the Mennonites. Eat at the internado. Eat at the resteraunt. Eat at Pollo Loco (Please still be there). Eat an empanada...or 10. or 100. Buy crazy bolivian ice ceam off the street. Go to a crazy parade. March with a lantern.

Geeze Louise...I'm so excited!

Not a full deck of cards...

NONE of my kids are playing with a full deck...

Baby girl walked in and says "Man...Ms. S, it's so cold outside today."

I said..."Hmm. No it's not. It was this morning, but I just went out and it's almost warm outside."

She says: "Oh yeah, it was cold outside on Sunday."

WHAT? It's Wednesday?

How did I get here teaching these people...

I'm on a roll...

Yesterday I was going through some old papers from a kid who was in the MAC (Making a Change) program. I send down a worksheet on Data Analysis and Probability.



Example Question:



"What is the probability you will flip a coin and it will land on heads?"



Example Answer:



"1/2...Because only one side of the coin is heads and there are two sides."



The above is what an answer should look like...This is what I got from baby girl...

• Q: If the probability of having a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school is .52, what is the probability of not having a b/f or g/f?


• A: There will not be a probability

• Q: There are 75 colored pencils in my desk drawer. 2/5 of the pencils are purple. How many colored pencils are not purple?


• A: There are not 4

• Q: A card is drawn from a standard deck of cards. Find the probability of drawing a heart?


• A: That's if your first card become a heart.

• Q: A card is drawn from a standard deck of cards, replaced, and a second card is drawn. What is the probability the first card drawn will be a king, and the second will be a spade?


• A: Because that was your first choice in spades was the last.

• Q: A die is rolled and a card is drawn from a standard deck of cards. What is the probability of rolling an even number and drawing a red card?


• A: That person gett's to keep the card. (WTH...Did she even READ the problem?)

MY FAVORITE

• Q: A die is rolled and a card is drawn from a standard deck of 52 cards. Find the probability of rolling an even number and drawing a red card.


• A: You lose your game.

With the end of course looming...I shouldn't think this is funny...but it is. Period.

CRAZY

The post is not about the picture...

Although I should post about the picture...and the two other ones like it that tell the story.

I can't remember if this picture is staged or not...I think it might be...But this is pretty much what happened when Cassie tried to cook dinner for me and Rachel one time...

Okay.

Moving on.

I have this dress. It is navy and white stripes. Think sailor dress for a little girl. Make it a dress for a grown up girl...and that's what I'm wearing.

Last time I wore this dress to church my sweet sweet four year old friend Anna Kay said "I like your zebra dress" She's 4. And I think her comment makes her pretty smart. It is very dark navy, so it might appear black...contrasting with white. Just what she's been taught.

But today, my high school student came in and said..."Ms. S, your dress looks like a prison uniform" and another kid says "no way, it looks like a zebra," kid one wavers "yeah, it looks like that too...I just can't decide."

WHAT? Nautical...Not prison (although...I'll go with that one) but ZEBRA. This kid is not AK. AK is 4. This kid is at least 14. Geeze Louise.

Then another kid comes up to me (he is 14) and gives me a lecture about how I was old...and old people should never show their legs in public so at the very least I should be wearing leggings.

WTH? I'm old?????

Have I mentioned my kids are crazy.

I guess I need to go give them tickets (we now have a raffle for the millions of dollars of candy I bought yesterday. I sold out. I'm giving into bribery. It makes my life so much easier.

UPDATE:
A firefighter was in the building and walked past me and told the principal to tell me he had hott teachers and he liked my stripes...I told the Mr. C to tell him he could fight my fire fighter boyfriend. BUT, @ least someone appreciates my dress.

In other news Stephen and I are going to Huntsville on Thursday...you should all pray my driving for several hours doesn't completely scare him off! :)

Valentine's Day

This post is really overdue.

Sorry.

It's my valentine's day post.

So, we had a valentine's day party at my house. I almost missed it. But then plans changed, I got disappointed...and then I found this. Which made all the disappointment DISAPPEAR.

I don't know how much I've said about my roommates.

E is the planner (she planned the party)
L is the crazy, doesn't take social cue's, Northern roommate...she can be really funny
A is in love really. It's ridiculous. Stephen and I had our first date on her 1 year anniversary, and as far as she's concerned that means S and I are gonna just get married.

SO - All year until last week her boyfriend has been living in Indiana living with us.
Anyways...when she did not come to valentine's party because they had to go on a "date." While they were gone, E thought it would be sweet (b/c she's like that) to put two cupcakes in their room for them.

This is what we found....
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Now maybe you are thinking this is sweet...Do you know any boy who would appreciate this? I hope he did...but I doubt it. I'm pretty sure it was silky boxers w/ hearts on it in the box if anyone is interested!

If you are a praying person...

PRAY FOR MY KIDS.

AND ME.

I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT OUT OF THE NEXT 3 WEEKS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!

Meet Stephen...

So, if you haven't met him yet (a.k.a. everyone who reads this minus Cassie and Holli - Skype counts right?), meet Stephen.

This is from our rock climbing trip the other day when he almost died and almost killed his sister.

All are well now.

I didn't almost die. But I didn't do anything hard. Because apparently I'm not the natural I thought I was.

I got scared.

I'll be better next time.

For the roommates who read this...he was gonna meet the roommates the weekend of the race...but he just bailed. Pretty sure he's scared of Katie. :)

Monday Breakfast...

"It's just another Manic Monday....OOoohOoh, I wish it was Sunday....OOoohOoh, Cause that's my fun day..."

It's been a CRAZY morning.

Breakfast - I've now (at 8:45) had a strawberry and cream cheese toaster strudel, a bowl of macaroni and cheese and a pineapple spear...I'm considering adding trail mix to the nutritional breakfast.

I had a crazy meeting (that I forgot about) and while in the crazy meeting I forgot about another meeting was scheduled and missed, because the first crazy meeting lasted SO LONG.

Anyone else think kids should have to own up to their actions? No? I'm the only one? That's what I thought.

Happy Monday!

Looking Back.

So I was looking back at some old blog posts the other day and reading them to S (since I won't tell him the blog address) and I realized two very important things...

1 - I've had the blog FOR A YEAR!!!!! :) I am so impressed with myself for blogging regularly semi-regularly for a year. I normally start things and quit it...and while this blog is not as exciting as it used to be (at least I don't think so), at least it still exists.
*This is a huge record over Cassie's blog that didn't even last 1 real post.

2 - The blog is not NEARLY as good or as regular as it used to be. When I was reading it to S, I realized I used to post a lot more pictures...I'm going to work on doing that again. Really, I haven't been taking as many pictures as I used to...but I do have some. I don't think i realized how great a job SIFAT was. I was able to do a lot of reflecting, and thus a lot more posting.

So - New Year's Resolution for the blog...Find time to do more reflecting...and post about it! + add more pictures...they made it so much more exciting.

I SUCK

I considered editing this. I don't think suck is very lady like. But I say it...so why not write it. AND, let's be honest...it's how I feel.

I. SUCK. AT. MY. JOB.

@ least I like the people I work with.

Boy

So I just got really excited and was going to post about Valentine's Day...I know - It's March 9th...but I'm a slacker. And NO, not MY Valentine's Day, but my roommates VD. SO, I promise it is coming in the next few days, but the post won't do it justice without the pictures.

For now, I think this is just going to be one long stream of consciousness.

I'm watching a some Juniors right now. Well, actually they are not Juniors. All the Juniors are taking the ACT today, so I am watching about 10 students who are either classified as sophomores or seniors, but who are in junior classes. It's my planning. So I'm not getting anything done. Just thinking, and reading, and typing.

Last night S told me I was "all locked up." TRANSLATION - I'm very guarded. I don't feel like I've always been this way. I feel like there have been times when I've been really open. But, maybe not. Maybe it has just seemed that way because the people I've been open with have been completely safe in every way.

I just don't know. I feel like I was pretty open with N. but was I really? Or does it just seem that way. Even if I was open with him, it was probably because I knew that the relationship was never going to amount to anything. Hmm.

I thought I was going to say I was open with arrogant. but I don't think I was. I think it just seemed that way because he was also pretty guarded.

Hmm...He asked me why I thought I was so guarded, and I really just don't know. I gave some cop out answer about how it probably has to do with my family, or past relationships...but I think those are both cop outs.

Anyways, I'm glad he is aware that I'm guarded. He said "I'm concerned that you are never going to open up and let yourself fall in love with me." I said "I can't make any promises." And in ways I feel like the pressure is off now. @ least he knows where I stand, and that I am terrified of commitment.

I don't want to push him away...but I know I'm pretty closed off. I just don't trust easily. I don't know.

+ it's just really weird to not have to work for it. He calls when he says he will, doesn't break plans (even when he should...like last night when he skipped family dinner) and makes me talk about important stuff. It's just different to just get to be me, and not have to find ways to manipulate the other person.

I'm going to go figure out how to open up and be less guarded!

Hope you all have a terrific Tuesday!

Him

He reminds me of some weird combination of high school (HS), Mountain Man (MM), and Arrogant. Points to the first person who can name all these people's names in real life. I'm guessing no one...oh wait, maybe one person.

He's really nice. I don't think anyone who reads this remembers HS except Rach. HS was just too nice for me. I mean seriously, I couldn't handle it. He was great. But @ 15 I didn't know how to just let someone treat me that well. He found a beautiful girl that obviously knows how to let him treat her well. BUT, S is just as nice. If not nicer. I like it this time around.

MM - Well, hopefully he won't always be my standard of comparison. Maybe one day S will be my standard of comparison, or maybe not...but for now...that's where we stand. Like MM, S loves to be outside. He loves Jesus and enjoys enjoying His creation. He also doesn't mind arguing with me. Something MM never minded doing. They are both real cute with a beard.

Arrogant - S is by no means arrogant. I feel like they both share political views, and the reasons why they hold super conservative views! They both watch the office, and just like I suffered through it for Arrogant, I'm sure I'll suffer through it for S.


So...This is pretty much the story for now. I'll tell you more later. I want to make a running list of things I like about him. And I just need to make a real post later.

Update of sorts...

So I feel like I should update from the vent.

It was a misunderstanding. I did not put a post-it on the referral reminding her that this student was in 4th period (the referral states it, but she wanted something that would stand out). Everything is taken care of. I wrote up my first non-dress code referral since the last post yesterday. And God love my amazing AP because she brought me the referral so I could list previous interventions so that she could follow through. He got one day OSS. Now, I'm thinking I may have preferred 2 days ISS, but as a good educator (Ha!) I shouldn't want my kids to miss more days of school than absolutely necessary.

S0 - all is well in the world.

And the kid who got written up yesterday...well, he called me by my first name...and I was already hot and bothered. SO - I'm betting no one does that for a while.


On a completely unrelated note, I apparently have a boyfriend now. Another post will come soon analyzing what this means...because I don't know! :)

Angry!

I'm just mad...

And I probably shouldn't use this space to vent...but it's my space. SO, if you don't want to listen to my vent...here's your warning...GO find a happy blog. May I suggest The Pioneer Woman or Darby? I'm sure they will have a happy post today.

I just feel cheated...I need to go talk to my AP about it...but right now I'm just too upset.
We talked at Bible study last night about what part of our body we have the most trouble surrendering to the Lord...Mine is my mouth. And my mouth wants to spout off a lot of unproductive things right now. I'm trying. I'm biting my tongue.

Anyways...About two weeks ago I had HAD it with my 4th period. had it. They were out of control...I was frustrated. Just not a good combination. So I went to my principal with a behavior contract.

The rules were simple:

Be respectful to the teacher (me) at all times...
Be respectful to other classmates...
Raise your hands before speaking...
Be active participators in class...
Refrain from using all electronic devices...
Come to class prepared...

NOT HARD TO FOLLOW.

The consequences where as follows...

1. A verbal warning
2. A write off to be turned in the next day
3. A referral to the office.


Now...I went to my AP...told her this...and said "Can I do this? Will you support me in this?"

Her response? Better than I could have expected...She said "Not only will I support you, but if it gets to 3. I'll suspend anyone." The 1st time - 1 day; The 2nd time -2 days; The 3rd time 3 days; then after that 5 days EVERY TIME. "

So - I of course act like this is the case. When the gets are on the second consequence...I say "I don't want anyone to get suspended...please don't get to 3...because I will send you out."

Twice it has gotten to 3. It probably should have more than 3 times. But I've been trying to save it for the kids who are really bad. BUT...Today I got back the referral on "bob." "Bob" only got 2 days ISS. I AM SO MAD. I still haven't gotten the referral back on "Adam" but I'm SO MAD.

I really want to bust in my AP's office, slam the referral on the desk and say "WHAT THE HELL?????" Way to NOT follow through AND make me look like an idiot!

Thanks to you my no longer favorite person on earth!

Funny Things...

#1. When I got dressed this morning my thought process was "this will have to do because everything I want to wear is in my car b/c it needs to go to the dry cleaners, wrinkled, or dirty."

All I've heard today is..."WoW! Why are you so dressed up?" or "You look nice today" or "Uh-Oh what did you do this weekend." or my personal favorite..."You must have a date this week." - I do thank you very much!

Moral of the story...wear the ugly grey sweater more often (seriously, I hate this cardigan I have on).

#2. I went through an insane amount of trouble to find out the blog address of my friend who is keeping it a secret. AN INSANE amount of trouble. Anyways...I found it out. Then felt incredibly guilty for knowing. SO, I haven't checked. I decided I would check one more time and If she'd started posting...I'd never look again. Delete the site from my history so she could have her own personal space to write. It's been 3 AND 1/2 WEEKS...and NOTHING. All that trouble I went through and all that guilt I felt for stealing the address...AND NOTHING!!!! RIDICULOUS! *If you're reading...sorry I hijacked your blog. I swear I'm not going back to it. So you could post.

#3. When it rains it pours. There's been a boy drought...now there's two. I'm double dipping...is that bad? Only for one more date though. I've just about made up my mind. Unless I can have two valentines day dates...but since I'm thinking about it...I probably won't have any.

#4. When I start dating them there is always a holiday or birthday coming up. Or like this one and the last on...A BIRTHDAY AND A HOLIDAY!!!! What's that about.

Ridiculous.

Hope you all have a wonderful day.

I'll post snow pictures soon. I haven't done pictures lately.

Tears...

As we speak, he is sitting out side of Ms. Funny's (How I will refer to my amazing assistant principal..for anonymity's sake) office.

He looked REAL nervous.

Which he definitely should be.

She's about to bust him.

5 days suspension.

I know this...He doesn't

"Insane (the kid), I'm sure it will be okay, you just need to make better choices."

She's gonna make him cry.

Direct quote from Ms. Funny "If they make you cry, I'm gonna make them cry!"


THAT is why I love my job!

Ex - Cheerleaders...

Goodness. It's been an eventful few days since Friday.

You know how I used to be the 9th grade cheerleading coach? Well I guess technically I still am. Are you considered a coach still if you no longer have a squad.

Corecto my friends...I kicked them all off on Friday night.

The short end of it is that they don't like to cheer, constantly tell me "No we will not cheer at halftime," and show up late to everything (ball games, practice, the end of half time, etc). SO...Friday night...they were actually doing so good. I was going to have this whole post about how they cheered at half time and were AMAZING.

Then 3rd quarter of the boys game...it all fell apart. They refused to cheer several times...ignored my phone calls...rolled their eyes...and, when i finally made it clear "Cheer or pack up," they hid from me. Hid under the bleachers...then they ran from me. RAN FROM ME. In front of a gym full of people.

Then I told them to pack up and return their uniforms.

I was angry. But I worked with amazing people. They've all been so encouraging.

My favorite part...

The girls came to school ready to cheer on Monday (yeah right), and begged me to change my mind. They told me they didn't know why they got kicked off.

When I asked what they thought...

There response...

"Ms. S, you probably think we were disrespectful to you. But we the ones being disrespected. We are SOOOO not appreciated...and we don't appreciate that.'

It took all I could not to laugh at the sweet babies.

Life's gonna be rough for them.

A new note...

Dear S,

Thank you for asking me out for Sunday...thus saving the basketball coach and his fiance a lot of heart ache over a broken engagement.

I CAN'T WAIT.

Love,
O

P.S. Expect it to be awkward. It just will be. :)

The letters I want to write...

There will be no further explanations for the following.

Dear really cute basketball coach at my school,

Please break up with your fiance. We were destined to be together. I know you touch everyones shoulder when you walk past them, and I know you are affectionate with EVERYONE, but what you don't understand is when you touch my shoulder I think I'm the only one. And you probably shouldn't talk. Because your country accent is adorable. So, I'll be waiting in room E*** whenever the engagment is broken.

Sincerly,

Me



Dear S,

You are cuter than the cute basketball coach, and probably love Jesus more. So if you'll just come through, the basketball coach can keep his fiance...she'll probably appreciate that.

Mucho Amor,

Me

Haiti

Admittedly I should be working right now.

But I cannot draw myself away from the images of Haiti on the various news websites. I get about 10 channels at my house. ABC, FOX, NBC, CBS, a few weird local channels, ESPN on occasion, the Home Shopping Network, Csomething and that's about it.

SO, the news is on for about an hour or two everyday. Everything else is local news. Not like most of the rest of the modern world who has FOX News or MS NBC, you know the 24 hour news channels. Anyways, all that to say that I probably didn't know there was an earthquake in Haiti until a couple of days later. And then, I had NO IDEA how bad it was. Had I been at my mom's house, or anywhere else with a news channel, I would have seen, heard and known. But in my world right now I have been oblivious. SO - I have heard how bad it was and decided to spend the last hour or so looking it up on some news websites.

It's DEVASTATING!

I know the rest of the world knows this.

What strikes me as ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS though, is what I've been doing the past week while the people in Haiti have been experiencing Hell.

I've been PANICKING and FREAKING OUT about a boy. A stupid boy that I don't even know, who isn't causing any problems in my life.

That's what I've been doing.

Meanwhile, the people in Haiti are freaking out and panicking over the fact that tens of thousands of their friends and family members have died. They are panicking because there is no food or water and no way to get it. They are disgusted because they have to wear masks because of the stench of decomposing bodies LITERALLY IN PILES all over the street.

And what are my problems about again? Oh wait. That's right. I DON'T HAVE ANY! My life is PERFECT compared to Haiti right now.

I don't understand my selfishness.

Sure, I can be selfless. When things like this make me feel completely awful for the way I think and live. BUT REALLY...There are people who experience loneliness and devastation EVERYWHERE and EVERYDAY. When the rest of the world is grieving I can take my eye off of my selfish, shallow world for 5 seconds. Oh wait...but as soon as news coverage slows...I'll go back to my usual griping and complaining about something that isn't even worth the breathe I'm spending.

What is the answer.

How do we move past selfishness.

How do we move past thinking that our immediate needs ridiculous petty wants are important?

Anyways.

That's just my rant for the day.

I'm frustrated with myself and my selfishness...and that is frustrating me about my kids today.

In class last semester one of the professors said "We hate in others what we hate in ourselves, and we tolerate in others that which we tolerate in ourselves."

I hate my selfishness, and that has looked like me hating my kids today.

And that's not their fault.

If I can't be selfless, why should they?

Job!

Have I mentioned I LOVE LOVE LOVE the people I work with.

LOVE.

Just so everyone knows. :) Thanks sweet people I work with!

New Year's Resolutions...

To join E-Harmony? (If your last name starts with a "G", ignore that)

I didn't make New Year's Resolutions. I am so very very far from perfect, but I really like the way my life is going right now. Sure I could stand to eat better, excercise more, read more regularly, but a resolution isn't really going to make those things happen. So. I think this is a really cool place.

Contentment most of the time.

However, in light of the New Year, and my being unprepared the first few days of school, I had my kids write Resolutions. Here's what I got...

The blue is their resolutions. The purple is my commentary.

• My New Years resolution is to never let anybody get the best of me! No matter what they do or say, I'm going to always keep a smile on my face! I also won't fall for any stupid boy that don't have nothing going for them! :) (That's my cheerleader...not that she's kept these so far...but she's thinking good things).
• To Love ever body like a friend. And be an my grown man.
• To work on my attitude, keep up good grades, good behavior. My attitude will be positive. I will do what I'm suppose to do when I'm asked to. I will be good in class. No backtalking when a teacher accuses me of talking. (Bless her heart, she cussed me out and walked out of my classroom today...New Year's Resolution DOWN THE DRAIN).
• To do all my work in Ms. Singleton's class (YES...My favorite)
• Ha! I can't think of mine, cause I can't remember becuase I'm too sleepy. I think I don't have any. But I have one someone gave my idea. Try to sleep more. I will accomplish this by not caring about anything and sleeping until Febuary, so I can do my filming. Sleep is awesome. (I have no words for this one).
• This one makes me cry. My resolution for this year is to be better than 2009. Ima try to do good in school. Stop the gang life. Stop doin drugs. Because I know the gang life and drugs aint taking me nowhere. Its jourt making me a failure in life. I'm really trying hard to stop all the bad stuff I have done. I finally realized that I want to be successful in life. And I hope 2010 I can be a better person. What do you say to that. I'm proud of him.
• I will do all of my work and turn it in on time & try my hardest. (He's slept EVERYDAY in my class since writing this).
• Note: This kid used to look like a sheepdog. My new years resolution is to let people see my eyes. It will be easy. All I have to do is cut my bangs before they get too long. Sometimes people won't be able to see them, but that shouldn't last too long, cause I'll cut it as soon as I can. I'm sure his mom is thankful. I know I am
• My other favorite. Not disrupting your class, not talking and persuading people to not talk to me. and to Focus on my school work. not throwing things or talking out of turn.
• Live...I don't know how to do that one just yet. WHAT??
• I don't have one. That's my boy!

My personal Favorite

• To do what I never did, to get what I never had. The life is good but you must know it. Try, Try, Try and Never, Never, Never give up.

Let it Snow...Let it Snow...Let it Snow

I have season 2 of Lost in the DVD player....
My bed is nice and warm and cozy...
with clean sheets...
I have stuff to make hott chocolate and apple cider...
I have enought milk to last a couple of days...
I have just a little bit of studying to do so that the day isn't entirely unproductive...
I have a great book to read, just to switch things up...
I have mac & cheese, soup, and pudding (you know comfort food)...
and the basketball game has been called off...

NOW ALL I NEED IS METRO TO COME THROUGH FOR ME!

LET IT SNOW - LET IT SNOW - LET IT SNOW!