Frustration...

Okay,

so...if you are homosexual or bi-sexual and are easily offended you might want to stop reading. I don't mean to offend, and I hope you could read it all and not be offended...just know that I am not writing this with the intention of offending, and if you are offended, I'd love to talk about it.

I'm finding that there is a double standard in the world. I am hearing all of this stuff about "tolerance" and "not offending" and the list goes on. Here's the deal. I'm not allowed to say how I really feel about homosexuality and bisexuality, because I would be "judging"...when really I'm not judging. PLEASE HERE ME SAY I AM NOT JUDGING. My conviction that a man was made to be with a woman does not have to mean that I am passing judgement on those who live differently. I do not presume to know how it feels...I do not presume to tell other people how they should or should not act (unless they belong to my particular religion, and then i feel as though i have a responsibility to call them out in love).

But can't I be allowed to disagree????? Can't I be allowed to say "I don't think that it is right?"

I am perfectly capable of saying that and still loving the person, and loving the person deeply. WHY DON'T PEOPLE GET THAT????????

I am finding that if i say "I don't agree with that lifestyle," or "I wouldn't want my 8 year old child exposed to that lifestyle," that I am suddenly this psycho, bible beating, christian. I'm okay with being that person, but I want people to understand that the love exists. I can be friends with you and not agree with your lifestyle.

BUT, Please let me believe that it is wrong...you are passing equal judgement when you assume I am judging with out getting to know me.

Get to know me. Let's talk about it. Let me disagree without you passing judgement on me.

*Diversity has obviously been the topic of conversation @ institute lately.

Around Atlanta

So, there hasn't been much free time. But we've managed to get out once or twice. Last weekend was great. I really wanted to go home, but staying turned out to be the right decision. I've struggled with how to deal with people who are different than me during institute. Mostly, I have a hard time being around people who don't subscribe to the same moral values as me. Meaning, the rest of the world apparently. It's hard when almost everyone else thinks it's okay to get drunk all the time.

It's also been difficult, just because everyone is so open about the things they do. I've heard all about some people's sex lives, and there pasts, and just any myriad of things that I thought normal people didn't talk about. I'm not sexually active. I have a very strong conviction that God created that for marriage, and that in that covenant, it will be BEAUTIFUL! I'm not judging, but it's been a struggle for me to not judge. All that to say, it was good I stayed. I needed to be around these people. And force myself to love and not judge...


First stop...Sweet Water brewery. A huge group of NCC (Nashville Charter Corps) went, but these are the girls who rode with me. From the left - S, N, C, Me, P.
We had a great time. Also, it's a great deal. $8 gets you a tour of the brewery, a souvenir glass, and 6 glasses of beer (*be advised I had like 1 and a half...maybe). There was live music outside, and it was just a fun way to spend Friday night.

Some notes about the girls we were hanging out with. N, she's definitely one of my favorites so far. She is my age, and played volleyball at Dayton in Ohio. We get along really really well. She has a good head on her shoulders. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better the next 2 years.

C is one of my institute roommates. She's crazy, but a whole lot of fun. She's from New York, but was born in Opelika. She short and spunky, and apparently people confuse her as me sometimes, saying we both have attitudes. I can live with that.

Then there's P. She's is HILARIOUS! She can talk to a brick wall. Example, at Sweet Water, she met 2 German guys and 2 Turkish girls. At the braves game on Thursday night, she was BFF with the usher lady. Seriously, she's fun.

After all the group fun on Friday, I needed some alone time, so Sunday I went here...

The Martin Luther King Jr. historical site. This is where he and Coretta are buried, and it is right down the street from his birth home and the church he went to as a child, and then pastored at later in life. There is a really good informative museum there, so I spent some time looking around. There was an art exhibit set up in honor of him, so that was cool to see also. After touring the museum, I went here...

His birth home. There was something historic about walking around the neighborhood he grew up in, knowing he walked these streets years ago, and something about them transformed him into the activist we all know him for. I like to think about world leaders as small children. Someone knew them before everyone did. I want to know those people. It also got me thinking...If not him then who? One of the exhibits in the museum had a quote from him about a time when he thought about quitting the civil rights movement. He was just looking for a non-cowardly way to back down. WHAT IF...What if he'd backed down? Where would we be. If not him, then who? If not me then who? I ended with a tour of the grounds. I found these little plaques lining a rose garden. They all had poems written by elementary school kids. This was my favorite.

"Love is when you like something so much...Silence is when you fell good and listen to the ocean...Conscience is when you listen to your mind and do good."

If only we all had Love, Silence and Conscience!

Faithfulness...

I'm just so excited right now.

#1...I ONLY HAVE 8 WORK DAYS LEFT OF INSTITUTE!!!!!! AND ONLY 4 MORE LESSONS TO TEACH! Praise the Lord...Seriously.

The end is in sight!


I can see it...I'm going to survive this. (It hasn't been that bad...but I will be glad to get my life back. )


#2...I don't know if I've mentioned this to any of you...or maybe just a couple of you...but I've been craving christians. Seriously. I mean, I just want to be around christians so bad that I can't stand it. I dont' think I realized how much I took for granted the community that we all had (together and w/ others) in auburn, and that I've had in Dothan. Even if it wasn't always intentional community, it existed at least...NONE at TFA so far. It so hard to be in such a secular environment. EVERYTHING is F*** this, F*** that, Let's go get wasted. I seriously had a conversation w/ a guy about drinking last week, and he thought I was CRAZY because I don't go get nasty drunk ALL THE TIME. I told him I'd only ever been drunk once, and I count it one of my bigger mistakes in life, and he didn't believe me for a long time, then he just didn't understand. This is the prevailing attitude of most people here.


SO...That's good, because I am learning patience and how to deal with people who are different than me in a non-judging, just loving (that's good...non-judging just loving) way. ANYWAY...all that to say, last monday or tuesday I just realized that what was missing was christian community. I just prayed and cried out for that, because I need it.


THE NEXT DAY...I found out about this church that has dinner/bible study on wed. night and some of my corps was going to meet in the lobby at 5:45 wed. to go. 5:45 came and went. No one showed up. I've been really home sick this week (which I think is a result of no community) and I just cried wed. night. I saw the girl who was suppose to be organizing it later, and she said that everyone was just really busy so they cancelled at the last minute (UGH! True though...I can relate to the business). I was dissapointed to say the least.


Which brings me to today. I knew a group of people was going to go to this church tonight (midtown community church...if you know people in atl. tell them to check it out)...I woke up and decided that I just really wanted to go to First Baptist Opelika (their pastor is really popular in the southern baptist convention). It was a great service. But it was their 4th of July, honor the military service. Which is great and SO important, and SO NOT WHAT I WAS NEEDING THIS MORNING. The afternoon came and went...I went to the MLK Jr. Historic site, and saw the museum, his birthplace, his church and the fire station he spent time at. I got home and decided to take a little nap... I slept through the "meet up time" for church tonight, and honestly, I wasn't sold out about going anyways. So I got up, ate some oatmeal and thought "you know what, I'm going to church...who cares that I have to go in by myself, who cares that I haven't done ANYTHING for school tomorrow and I'll be up WAY late...I'm going" BEST DECISION EVER! There were 8 REAL NASHVILLE PEOPLE THERE! Real people who love Jesus. And in my judgements that EVERYONE was terrible and currupt I missed at least 7 other people who love the Lord (and I know there are at least 2 more).



The service was phenomenal. A retired missionary from Indonesia spoke (which is good for me, because I feel like my heart for missions just keeps growing and growing).


There were 2 points in the service where they told us to turn to a neighor and pray for them/over them. The first time was @ the beginning and it was to pray for someone. I was w/ Jessica...a TFA girl from Nashville, and it was just so good to pray w/ her...then later we prayed God's blessing over each other.

AHH!! So Good. Afterwards...Anita (one of my roommates for next year) wanted us to all pray together after the service before we came back to GATech, so we did, and it was just good. I don't know these people well, but I'm so excited for the opportunity to get to know them more. It's gonna be so good. Okay, sorry for the novel. I am just so excited.

Jesus, Kids and Phones

So yesterday's post was NOT suppose to be about that...but I got on a tangent, and I'm glad I did.



Speaking of God's faithfulness in the previous post...let me tell you about yesterday.



Have I mentioned here that my schedule is nuts?



Well, let me tell you, my schedule is crazy. Up at 5:30 (or 6:13, just depending on when your body decides to turn your ears on so you can actually hear the alarm)...breakfast between 6:15 and 6:45...bus leaves at 6:50. Teach at 7:30...classes for me after that. Get back to Ga Tech by 5. Sometimes run, sometimes nap (only twice actually...pat me on the back), work some, read some, chill some, then buckle down till at least 10....sometimes midnight. It's pretty intense.

It's left little time to be lonely. But I think it finally hit yesterday. It's some combo of me just standing out here...and getting into the groove of things so that I finally have time to stop and reflect.

What do I mean by stand out...well, for instance. We've been talking about floating the river next weekend, and a bunch of people are taking a bus to the river. It's an extra $12, so I told him I wanted to drive. He said "not a good idea, you'll be wasted." When I told him that I don't get drunk - 1, he didn't believe me. 2, he looked at me and said "why not? I've never met anyone who thought that way before"
Another thing that is new for me, is this is the first time in my life I've heard someone talk about church one minute, and the next use the f word and talk about getting drunk. It's a strange culture. I'm fortunate to have been shadowed by a very Christian bubble. But I'm glad it is popping, I need to learn to love the world...not just the Christian and morally good people of the world.

WOAH!! That was a tangent...anyways...

Lonely...I was lonely, and Tuesday night was just journaling and praying a community. Just a place to be with other Christians, and people to encourage me, etc.

Yesterday, my former TFA crush who's becoming more of a good friend, told me that the Indy corps has a bible study and praise time on the soccer field on Sunday morning, and he invited me to come! SIGN ME UP!

Again yesterday, some member of my corps told me about a great church they've gone to a few times, and said that they are going back, and are going to start going to a Wednesday night dinner and small group study!

THANK YOU LORD! Less than 24 hours after I asked you delivered. I should ask sooner!

Oh, and we had the WHOLE afternoon off yesterday. My response "I have NO CLUE what to do with a free afternoon...I've never considered it possible"...and I didn't even sleep...Gotta embrace time while it exists.

WooHoo!!!

On a lighter note,

My goal for my class is to take up a cell phone by the end of the summer. I'm super lax with my kids, but they're well behaved because they love me (seriously...who would have thought I could relate to African American teenagers in inner city Atlanta). I just really want to play teacher and take up a cell phone. I mean, I'll give it back at the end of class.

Dear students,

Please let me catch you texting.

Sincerely,

Olivia Singleton!

First Days

I haven't posted about the first day yet. I want to. This post is definitely not going to do it justice (since I'm still trying to figure out why I'm awake and blogging and not taking this precious opportunity to sleep), but I'll try.

I wasn't nervous like EVERYONE else on campus. I think I care as much as they do, I'm just really good at separating personal and professional life. Anyways, the only nerves came because I knew I would be observed for at least 5 minutes at some point. What I wasn't prepared for was to be observed for 15 minutes by my CMA (corps member advisor) and SD (site director). ..especially not the FIRST 15 minutes of my class.

I'm gonna be honest, I had kinda sorta planned to scrap some of the things they wanted us to do, so them being in there changed my game plan a bit. But not too much. I'm just not super strict like I feel like they want us to start out as. And that works for me. I realize it doesn't work for everyone but it works for me.

So. It was good. I got my first extended observation and debriefing out of the way. My FA (faculty advisor) always observes.

I'm not gonna lie. I think I'm a bomb teacher. I think I'm great. True story, I think I'm pretty great at everything. I know it's not necessarily always true. For example, I think I'm a great football player (if you know me you know I can't play football worth a crap, I still think I'm great).

All that to say, I got a bit of negative feedback, but best I can tell, I'm ahead of a lot of people.

And, as much as I hate to admit it...I'm getting better.

THE CLASS:

The first day was good...I was feeling them out, they were feeling me out. I had a decent lesson, and a decent amount of people did well on my assessment. I'm thankful for that. Nothing major happened. One girl refused to answer when I called on her, and for the sake of a confrontation on day #1, I let it slide.

I don't let it slide, but they're comfortable with me now, so that's good.

The funniest thing so far is when Cliche (yes, that's her real name...she doesn't spell it like that, but I don't want her to come across this blog on a google search for herself) told me her pit bull ate her homework. She's one of my favorites. I mean, we all know her pit bull didn't eat her homework. I gave the class this whole spiel on being a grown person, and not lying. If you don't do your homework, own up to it. I understand stuff happens. She was so funny...she kept saying "I wasn't lying I was just playing"

Really Cliche? That was a joke? Your dog didn't really eat your homework? I'm shocked! :)

Several of our students have missed more than the 2 absences allotted, and probably won't make it through the summer.

We have one kid who works until 5 a.m. then makes it to school b 7:30. I'm impressed he shows up, but even when he's awake, it's so hard for him to focus. Today, we started bringing him a coke, so hopefully that will help keep him up some.

We have one kid who we don't think can read. He just smiles a lot. I'm sad for him. I'm not sure what we can do to help in the 3 weeks of teaching we have left.

We have a kid who is so smart, but because of a transcript issue is having to makeup algebra I. He aces everything.

Actually we have several who ace everything. We're still confused about why exactly they are in summer school.

I had great lesson today. 2 of my kids made 50's, 2 made 6o somethings, and EVERYONE else made 75 or 100. I was proud...and I was reminded that for at least the next two years, I will be living for moments like those!

BTW, someone called me and crushy boy out today for our "sexual tension." Oops...guess I need to check my flirting at the door!

Procrastination Nation

I just saw where I've posted 41 times...that is super impressive to me. If I were a betting person, I would have bet against my keeping this up. I'm not great...but I like it.

Just a little break-down on Institute so far, for those of you who care.

1.) Our school got broken into. I know right, welcome to the inner city. We are broken up into CMA groups (corps member advising)...so my CMA group has/had a sweet room. This school is pretty cool, and has several mac labs. We came into school on Tuesday to find that the window was smashed in and all the macs were gone. CRAZY. For clarifications sake...these were mac DESKTOPS...I am very confused about how someone made out with approximately 4 labs FULL of DESKTOPS without getting caught. Who does that? How did no one notice? Where was the alarm system?...I'm amazed. Anyways...that threw the day off a little, but not too much.

2.) I've gotten to observe a few times and my students seem pretty cool. When I teach I'll be the only white person in the room...which I think is pretty cool...I like being a minority (hence my desire to live in Bo-Town/my new slang for Bolivia).

3.) Speaking of teaching that starts Monday. I'm up right now at 9:30. I'd much rather be asleep, but there are lessons to plan, and I spent way too much time farming on facebook. If you haven't started DON'T...It sucks you in and it is a huge, pointless, waste of time. Please note, I am not judging you. I'm obsessed...I'm so close to getting a house, that it is pretty much all I can think of. Anyways...Now it is 9:40, and I have moved on from farming and am now using blogging as my preferred method of procrastination. I think it is because I had coffee for dessert (I'm SUCH AN OLD LADY..Gah!)...Anyways, I know I won't be able to sleep for a while, so that is how I'm justifying it.


Wow, I just went on a tangent. For those of you still with me...I appreciate your dedication. Let me apologize in advanced for all of the boring TFA/teaching posts to come. Hopefully once I start teaching on Monday, there will be some good stories (or maybe not, uneventful could be good...just unlikely). More posts to come on my thoughts on the TFA training process!

Increase the Peace.

Induction #1

I have arrived...I'm finally here in Nashville, but don't worry...not for good...that would be WAY too easy. Just until Thursday.

Here are the facts.

8 roommates (or maybe 6, there is still the potential for 2 more 1 more to show up)
The nicest dorm room EVER
Cool girls from everywhere (Ohio, Milwaukee, New Orleans, etc)
lots of work to keep me busy till Thursday

I went to the new school....I need to come up with a name to call it on the blog...suggestions welcome.

School facts:

I'm the new 9th grade cheer coach (WHAT?!?!??! ...I know)

There's not a 9th grade squad yet, so tryouts will be at the beginning of the year (there is a whole new post awaiting my thoughts on this whole thing)

My classroom is nice....it's a good size, and seems very functional, only time will tell. BUT, all the classrooms come with a closet you share with another teacher, and apparently I share a closet with Mr. "really good to look at, young, attractive, baseball coach." Now my tract record with baseball coaches isn't great...but he'll be easy on the eyes anyways. :)

I'll only have regular Algebra...which means I only have to plan for one class...which is great.

I get $400 to spend at the beginning of the year (those of you who realize this is nothing...don't spoil my excitement about having money to spend on my class)

I'm sure there are a million more facts that she told me today, but this is all I can remember in my state of exhausted delirium. Probably won't be much sleep tonight either, as I anticipate tonight this week working very much like the first week in the dorm...lots of staying up late to get to know each other.

I'll keep you posted! :)