Admittedly I should be working right now.
But I cannot draw myself away from the images of Haiti on the various news websites. I get about 10 channels at my house. ABC, FOX, NBC, CBS, a few weird local channels, ESPN on occasion, the Home Shopping Network, Csomething and that's about it.
SO, the news is on for about an hour or two everyday. Everything else is local news. Not like most of the rest of the modern world who has FOX News or MS NBC, you know the 24 hour news channels. Anyways, all that to say that I probably didn't know there was an earthquake in Haiti until a couple of days later. And then, I had NO IDEA how bad it was. Had I been at my mom's house, or anywhere else with a news channel, I would have seen, heard and known. But in my world right now I have been oblivious. SO - I have heard how bad it was and decided to spend the last hour or so looking it up on some news websites.
It's DEVASTATING!
I know the rest of the world knows this.
What strikes me as ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS though, is what I've been doing the past week while the people in Haiti have been experiencing Hell.
I've been PANICKING and FREAKING OUT about a boy. A stupid boy that I don't even know, who isn't causing any problems in my life.
That's what I've been doing.
Meanwhile, the people in Haiti are freaking out and panicking over the fact that tens of thousands of their friends and family members have died. They are panicking because there is no food or water and no way to get it. They are disgusted because they have to wear masks because of the stench of decomposing bodies LITERALLY IN PILES all over the street.
And what are my problems about again? Oh wait. That's right. I DON'T HAVE ANY! My life is PERFECT compared to Haiti right now.
I don't understand my selfishness.
Sure, I can be selfless. When things like this make me feel completely awful for the way I think and live. BUT REALLY...There are people who experience loneliness and devastation EVERYWHERE and EVERYDAY. When the rest of the world is grieving I can take my eye off of my selfish, shallow world for 5 seconds. Oh wait...but as soon as news coverage slows...I'll go back to my usual griping and complaining about something that isn't even worth the breathe I'm spending.
What is the answer.
How do we move past selfishness.
How do we move past thinking that our immediate needs ridiculous petty wants are important?
Anyways.
That's just my rant for the day.
I'm frustrated with myself and my selfishness...and that is frustrating me about my kids today.
In class last semester one of the professors said "We hate in others what we hate in ourselves, and we tolerate in others that which we tolerate in ourselves."
I hate my selfishness, and that has looked like me hating my kids today.
And that's not their fault.
If I can't be selfless, why should they?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Haiti
Posted by O-Town at 11:47 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comments:
hey olivia -- (it's amanda used-to-be-gauntt... i follow your posts in my reader from time-to-time)
i get that sick feeling with myself too... usually at a time like this when we're flooded with coverage over what is happening in Haiti. and that used to really make me ill (still does a lot of the time) but i read something recently (and when i say recently i mean like.... probably NOT that recent... ha!). something that helps me when i'm caught up in being disgusted with myself, my students, friends/family, etc. over these things...
basically, we have this huge mammoth task of balancing and meeting the needs of others all while doing the same for ourselves and it seems like the good portion would be in meeting the needs of others always before yourself and considering others' pain and trials before ours but... we really do have certain needs at certain times. there's nothing wrong with not ALWAYS feeling called to do/act/feel a certain way. and we know that there isn't anything wrong with working on ourselves but i was really hit hard with the idea that He calls us to marinate in things that FLAVOR us... shape our spirits and careers and yadda yadda.
i know this is a random, stream of consciousness kind of post that got a little off of your topic but that tidbit always give me some perspective. not in a way that makes it okay to ignore a crisis or other people in need or in dire situations. just something to think about when you're disgusted with how you fixate on your life first sometimes... sometimes that just IS the need.
Post a Comment