Learning

"We are generally the better persuaded by the reasons we discover ourselves than by those given to us by others." -Blaise Pascal

I think Mr. Pascal was speaking to me when he wrote that quote. I read it several weeks ago, and haven't been able to shake it. WHY am I so stubborn? WHY do I have to go through pain, and hurt and frustration in order to learn something? I have sweet, very submissive, wonderful friends, with happy lives, who are able to learn from the mistakes of others (YOUR WELCOME, since I probably provide lots of mistakes for y'all NOT to make) and grow into mature, productive people.

I just can't do it. I want to make the mistake myself. You can tell me all day long that kissing a boy I'm not dating will tear me up inside, but I think I am the LONE exception to every rule. Of course I'm not. Many of you know that too well.

So, I finally feel like I am at a place where I am figuring it out. I see that I have a problem

I am learning that God has given me incredible people in my life to learn from. He has given me an incredible book to learn from (namely the Bible), and He has blessed me with this beautiful form of communicating with me called prayer.

I've always known that prayer was a conversation and not a monologue...but honestly, this is how my prayer normally breaks down...

Dear God,
Here is everything wrong in my life...List A,B,C. If you could fix it that would be great. Oh and by the way...this is how I want you to fix it. Okay? Okay! Oh also, these are all the things I want you to do. But don't forget (as if GOD needs reminding), do your will, not mine. Oh and by the way God...here are all the reasons why YOUR will should be my will (this list is long and completely selfish)....Then I start thinking about why I'm going to eat for breakfast (or lunch, or dinner)...Then I start thinking about that conversation I had with that person last week that hurt my feelings...Then I start thinking about how cool my life is...Then I go "Oops, Sorry God, I got side tracked." Once back on track, I try to think of people I need to pray for, these prayers don't usually last long...Then I might remember to say thank you God for all you do. If I'm feeling especially focused, I'll through in some praise.
Amen

WHAT KIND OF PRAYER IS THAT. Oh my goodness...Just thinking that, and writing that down, and reading that...WHAT IN THE WORLD. I am so selfish...What am I doing talking to the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE like that? Someone help me please.

Yesterday I sat down to read (I'm reading Exodus) and decided to skip over to Romans to read where Paul writes about the Israelites in Romans. Basically, I'm learning a lot right now...and I just felt like God said,

"Olivia, Do you see how I handled the children of Israel, and redeemed them from Egypt...and how I used EVERYTHING for my good purpose and my glory...Don't you think I'm trying to use you to...stop being stubborn and do things my way."

I was reminded again of what I forgot...God wants to speak to me...If I will just listen.
I'm learning to listen more in my prayers.

Today I was laying on the bank of the creek, and I pulled up a weed...I looked at all of it's tiny little roots and thought "God planned this...all these little roots, He knows they're there." If God knows that about that little weed, how much more does He know about me, and about my life.
He has a plan for me. He knows it...He sees it, He designed it.

Today I felt like God said: "Olivia, just take my hand. Just hold it and walk with me. Stop running ahead of me, and stop trying to plan things out. You can relax, because I have a plan."

I'm learning so much about God, and the more I learn the more I realize that I'll never know it all...and that's okay!! The more I'm in relationship with God, the more I realize sin in my life...and that's good!! And the more I know God, the more I'm realizing that I don't have to figure everything out on my own...I can trust what He says, because He loves me more than I can even understand.

So today, I'm thankful that God is revealing himself to me, and I can't wait to see where this journey takes us!!