Monday Breakfast...

"It's just another Manic Monday....OOoohOoh, I wish it was Sunday....OOoohOoh, Cause that's my fun day..."

It's been a CRAZY morning.

Breakfast - I've now (at 8:45) had a strawberry and cream cheese toaster strudel, a bowl of macaroni and cheese and a pineapple spear...I'm considering adding trail mix to the nutritional breakfast.

I had a crazy meeting (that I forgot about) and while in the crazy meeting I forgot about another meeting was scheduled and missed, because the first crazy meeting lasted SO LONG.

Anyone else think kids should have to own up to their actions? No? I'm the only one? That's what I thought.

Happy Monday!

Looking Back.

So I was looking back at some old blog posts the other day and reading them to S (since I won't tell him the blog address) and I realized two very important things...

1 - I've had the blog FOR A YEAR!!!!! :) I am so impressed with myself for blogging regularly semi-regularly for a year. I normally start things and quit it...and while this blog is not as exciting as it used to be (at least I don't think so), at least it still exists.
*This is a huge record over Cassie's blog that didn't even last 1 real post.

2 - The blog is not NEARLY as good or as regular as it used to be. When I was reading it to S, I realized I used to post a lot more pictures...I'm going to work on doing that again. Really, I haven't been taking as many pictures as I used to...but I do have some. I don't think i realized how great a job SIFAT was. I was able to do a lot of reflecting, and thus a lot more posting.

So - New Year's Resolution for the blog...Find time to do more reflecting...and post about it! + add more pictures...they made it so much more exciting.

I SUCK

I considered editing this. I don't think suck is very lady like. But I say it...so why not write it. AND, let's be honest...it's how I feel.

I. SUCK. AT. MY. JOB.

@ least I like the people I work with.

Boy

So I just got really excited and was going to post about Valentine's Day...I know - It's March 9th...but I'm a slacker. And NO, not MY Valentine's Day, but my roommates VD. SO, I promise it is coming in the next few days, but the post won't do it justice without the pictures.

For now, I think this is just going to be one long stream of consciousness.

I'm watching a some Juniors right now. Well, actually they are not Juniors. All the Juniors are taking the ACT today, so I am watching about 10 students who are either classified as sophomores or seniors, but who are in junior classes. It's my planning. So I'm not getting anything done. Just thinking, and reading, and typing.

Last night S told me I was "all locked up." TRANSLATION - I'm very guarded. I don't feel like I've always been this way. I feel like there have been times when I've been really open. But, maybe not. Maybe it has just seemed that way because the people I've been open with have been completely safe in every way.

I just don't know. I feel like I was pretty open with N. but was I really? Or does it just seem that way. Even if I was open with him, it was probably because I knew that the relationship was never going to amount to anything. Hmm.

I thought I was going to say I was open with arrogant. but I don't think I was. I think it just seemed that way because he was also pretty guarded.

Hmm...He asked me why I thought I was so guarded, and I really just don't know. I gave some cop out answer about how it probably has to do with my family, or past relationships...but I think those are both cop outs.

Anyways, I'm glad he is aware that I'm guarded. He said "I'm concerned that you are never going to open up and let yourself fall in love with me." I said "I can't make any promises." And in ways I feel like the pressure is off now. @ least he knows where I stand, and that I am terrified of commitment.

I don't want to push him away...but I know I'm pretty closed off. I just don't trust easily. I don't know.

+ it's just really weird to not have to work for it. He calls when he says he will, doesn't break plans (even when he should...like last night when he skipped family dinner) and makes me talk about important stuff. It's just different to just get to be me, and not have to find ways to manipulate the other person.

I'm going to go figure out how to open up and be less guarded!

Hope you all have a terrific Tuesday!