Sometimes it hurts....

ATTENTION: Another unknown quote (I'd be a terrible researcher)

"I'm not telling you it is going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it"

So - I think this quote was probably written about love. Sorta like that scene in The Notebook where Allie is trying to run away from Noah and Noah says

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're going to have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday. Will you do something for me? Please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If that's what I thought you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out"

Okay, I got carried away. It is only similar to the notebook through "I want all of you everyday."

Back to the original quote that was originally probably about love.

I don't want to talk about love.

I don't know squat about love.

Except that I do love.

And it hasn't worked out yet.

I want to talk about Jesus.

It's not gonna be easy...I'm starting to see that loving Jesus probably shouldn't be easy. Oh don't get me wrong...It's pretty dang easy in my life. But I think that's a problem. So what if I would be lonely if I moved to Bolivia and everyone in my former life forgot about me (irrational fear of mine). SO WHAT...If that's what the Lord called me to would it not be worth it?

I was reading a blog about circumcision. On older kids. Which is apparently a pretty painful thing. I can only imagine can't imagine at all that kind of pain. But apparently it is better for you. And Jesus talks about circumcision (okay, I don't know if Jesus talks about it...but the bible does) and it hurts right? Circumcision hurts...and our hearts are suppose to be circumcised for Christ. So we can assume that it's gonna hurt right?

But it'll be better in the end?

I'm choosing to believe that today.

Time Flies

HOW have I not written since November 10th...Why as I write this is February 10th only a couple of weeks away...Why has it been almost 3 months since I've written???

I have no answers, and as I'm the only one reading this anymore...My apologies are only to myself. If you are still hanging around hoping I'll be a regular blogger...I appreciate the faith. But it is sorely misplaced.

A lot has changed since November 10th and for that I am most thankful. Being most thankful for the changes since then is a totally new thing in my life.

I just want to leave you me with a quote that I like.

I don't remember where I got it, so my apologies to the author -

We can believe that God alone is our security and love is always worth the risk and there is no better investement than reaching out to someone and locking arms and unlocking your heart. No better investement than finding the time for friendship and courage to be real and the humiliy to say we are sorry. And distrust can cost us the very richest life of all and the price for being safe can be too expensive and friendship is the only thing that will show up at our funeral.

I'm not good at making friends. I can admit that. I don't like to let people in. It is much safer in this box I've built.

Don't misunderstand...I love to pour into the people I am accidentally friends with, or people who I am convinced love me whole heartedly and unconditionally. I feel the same about them. But strangers are scary.

So I'm trying to love this quote...and live this quote as I search out community in Nashville.

I have joined a community group, and unlike last time I started I bible study, I am committing to be committed. To open my heart to the girls around me and make a true attemp at honesty and vulnerability. And love.