Stream of Consciousness

SO...

I'm getting ready to start the year.

And here are my thoughts.

Teaching takes way more time than I gave it last year.

I read a news article this morning that says that the state is going to announce Proficient and Advanced scores this week. I am hopeful that my kids still make significant gains.

I can't help but feel like this is important.

I know some non-TFA teachers who think test scores are dumb. And I do to when I'm feeling pressure...but I also think that if your kids are learning they WILL pass the state tests.

Passing tests does not equate learning...

BUT -

If you learn you past tests....

I'm on the fence.

I'm finding that I'm on the fence about a whole lot of things lately.

I hope I'm not becoming less opinionated.

My dear crazy friend is starting a new food fanatic crazy thing. Some of it I agree with...Some of it I think is in excess....I think that it is all good. Just not all necessary...but, the problem is that I'm just SO ON THE FENCE about all of it. Even after reading a lot about it.

I'll be back to talk more about raw milk and real meat.

Sorry for the random stream of consciousness.

I probably shouldn't post this...

But I've had a lot of thoughts today.

You see...I was suppose to leave today for Ixiamas. A 24 hour bus ride. Lots of time to think. Instead I've been out and about in LaPaz, and spending some QT at the Hotel Sagarnaga with my thoughts.

About love.

You see, it's facebook's fault really.

I've been contemplating two of my friends recent engagement.

I would call them both friends, because they were both dear people to me at different critical times in life, but I've lost touch with both of them. Save for facebook, I would have no idea of their impending wedded bliss.

BUT - and here comes the insanely shallow, i'm almost too embarassed to post it part - here goes...

They are both marrying people who I feel are...umm...not very attractive (judge me if you want)...I am sure that they are both deeply attracted to and in love with their fiances...BUT, are they. These girls are GORGEOUS.

Really pretty people...Sometimes I wonder...and I think this is way off base...but I'm afraid there comes a point were people settle.

Let me start by saying that both of these women are WONDERFUL and have both had the opportunity to be in relationships with very attractive men....I hope they wouldn't settle.

I don't know their fiances.

But it brings me to this question...

What is love?

Really.

I would say I've been "in love."

I would say that "I love."

But what is love. And not just romantically.

I love Ixiamas, and Chas (the monkey) and chas my friend for that matter...I love my family...the griswold's...my roommates and friends...a hot bath....a cold glass of milk...being in charge...feeling important...my mom's dogs...a beautiful sunset...my new short's from J.Crew...the long pretty lingerie thing I tried on before someone's bachelorette party (Ha!).

Anyways...You get the point. The list could go on forever.

Let's take Chas. I will miss him deeply when I leave him...So is love missing deeply?
Bath's...It's a taken for granted pleasure...Is that love?
My mom and dad...I'd die if anything happened to them...Is deep sorrow over potential loss love?
Griswold's...I've learned much from them...Do we love that which teaches us?

My J. Crew shorts and the ligerie dress thing don't fall in any of the above categories...but I love them too.

ANYWAYS. I've gone on a tangent.

How important is the physical attractive quality. I'm attracted to my boyfriend, but can that be expected to last forever? Will I forever be attractive in anyone's eyes? I hope the answer is yes, but somehow I think that maybe it's no.

Is having fun with someone where you draw the line...We say it's the person you "can't live without"...but let's be honest...we can all live without. We just choose not to.

I've gone on a tangent. All I mean is...I'm glad my friends have fallen in love with their fiances. It has made me think.

My conclusion is love is not an emotion.

Voddie Bauchaum defines love as

"An act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action, on behalf of it's object."

When do you act?

I think it is less about the attractive factor (at least I hope so) and more about being challenged...being pushed...laughing...crying...being a better you...worship...life.

If you are still reading...How do you define love?

If you left in the middle of my rambling, I don't blame you. :)