I don't ever want to care...

There are just some things I don't ever want to care about.

I don't ever want to care if all the blinds in my house are open to the same level.
I don't ever want to care if everything in my house matches.
I don't ever want to be jealous.
I don't ever want to REALLY care what people think about me.
I don't ever want to care about test scores.

But Mostly...

I don't ever want to care if all the blinds are the same level.

I just listen to people talk sometimes and I don't understand why they care about the things they care about. I'm sure they feel the same way about things I care about (owning a copper kitchen aid mixer for example).

I care if I have a house...and if other people have a place to live.
I care that I can afford to keep my house clean and liveable.
I care that I am loved.
I care that I don't hurt others.
I care that my students learn to be productive...and learn to be happy.

I also care about my feet and copper kitchen aid mixers....but those things make me sound shallow!

Stream of Consciousness

SO...

I'm getting ready to start the year.

And here are my thoughts.

Teaching takes way more time than I gave it last year.

I read a news article this morning that says that the state is going to announce Proficient and Advanced scores this week. I am hopeful that my kids still make significant gains.

I can't help but feel like this is important.

I know some non-TFA teachers who think test scores are dumb. And I do to when I'm feeling pressure...but I also think that if your kids are learning they WILL pass the state tests.

Passing tests does not equate learning...

BUT -

If you learn you past tests....

I'm on the fence.

I'm finding that I'm on the fence about a whole lot of things lately.

I hope I'm not becoming less opinionated.

My dear crazy friend is starting a new food fanatic crazy thing. Some of it I agree with...Some of it I think is in excess....I think that it is all good. Just not all necessary...but, the problem is that I'm just SO ON THE FENCE about all of it. Even after reading a lot about it.

I'll be back to talk more about raw milk and real meat.

Sorry for the random stream of consciousness.

I probably shouldn't post this...

But I've had a lot of thoughts today.

You see...I was suppose to leave today for Ixiamas. A 24 hour bus ride. Lots of time to think. Instead I've been out and about in LaPaz, and spending some QT at the Hotel Sagarnaga with my thoughts.

About love.

You see, it's facebook's fault really.

I've been contemplating two of my friends recent engagement.

I would call them both friends, because they were both dear people to me at different critical times in life, but I've lost touch with both of them. Save for facebook, I would have no idea of their impending wedded bliss.

BUT - and here comes the insanely shallow, i'm almost too embarassed to post it part - here goes...

They are both marrying people who I feel are...umm...not very attractive (judge me if you want)...I am sure that they are both deeply attracted to and in love with their fiances...BUT, are they. These girls are GORGEOUS.

Really pretty people...Sometimes I wonder...and I think this is way off base...but I'm afraid there comes a point were people settle.

Let me start by saying that both of these women are WONDERFUL and have both had the opportunity to be in relationships with very attractive men....I hope they wouldn't settle.

I don't know their fiances.

But it brings me to this question...

What is love?

Really.

I would say I've been "in love."

I would say that "I love."

But what is love. And not just romantically.

I love Ixiamas, and Chas (the monkey) and chas my friend for that matter...I love my family...the griswold's...my roommates and friends...a hot bath....a cold glass of milk...being in charge...feeling important...my mom's dogs...a beautiful sunset...my new short's from J.Crew...the long pretty lingerie thing I tried on before someone's bachelorette party (Ha!).

Anyways...You get the point. The list could go on forever.

Let's take Chas. I will miss him deeply when I leave him...So is love missing deeply?
Bath's...It's a taken for granted pleasure...Is that love?
My mom and dad...I'd die if anything happened to them...Is deep sorrow over potential loss love?
Griswold's...I've learned much from them...Do we love that which teaches us?

My J. Crew shorts and the ligerie dress thing don't fall in any of the above categories...but I love them too.

ANYWAYS. I've gone on a tangent.

How important is the physical attractive quality. I'm attracted to my boyfriend, but can that be expected to last forever? Will I forever be attractive in anyone's eyes? I hope the answer is yes, but somehow I think that maybe it's no.

Is having fun with someone where you draw the line...We say it's the person you "can't live without"...but let's be honest...we can all live without. We just choose not to.

I've gone on a tangent. All I mean is...I'm glad my friends have fallen in love with their fiances. It has made me think.

My conclusion is love is not an emotion.

Voddie Bauchaum defines love as

"An act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action, on behalf of it's object."

When do you act?

I think it is less about the attractive factor (at least I hope so) and more about being challenged...being pushed...laughing...crying...being a better you...worship...life.

If you are still reading...How do you define love?

If you left in the middle of my rambling, I don't blame you. :)

Chas...

Meet Chas.

Chas is our monkey friend who lives at the internado.

Our friend Francie runs a monkey refuge, but this little guy is TOO little to live on the refuge right now, so rachel and the kids are "monkeysitting" for a while until chas is big enough to be released into the wild.

I have a million pictures...He's my favorite subject.

These are my favorite...

Chas eating my left over lunch...He liked the bowl:



Chas in my bed. This is where he falls asleep most nights. Then I move him to his bed:

My favorite Chas picture. This was the first day I met him....and YES, that is his pacifier...he also has a toy car and a toy grenade:

Chas after a bath. He was quite annoyed with me...but he was REALLY dirty:

And this is the "real" chas. I met him in 2008 when I was interning in Ixiamas. He came with a group...He interned last summer at the internado...and his nickname was monkey. So naturally when the internado got a "real" monkey...they chose to call him chas! :)

P.S. I can't spell check here. It does it in Spanish...so forgive any mistakes

Bolivia

So - I probably won´t have pictures for a few weeks, but I think I can do pictures when I go to lapaz. Word on the street is they have wifi.

SO - here´s what´s going on

1. I got my suitcase today. That means I have more than 1 and a half outfits...and I can start using a normal amount of deodorant, facewash and toothpaste.

2. The kids are back. Until Saturday

3. I´m buildng a rabbit hutch. Better than the ferro cement tank from two years ago, but still hard.

4. I love having my own room this time.

5. We´ve had GREAT food so far. We start bolivian food today.

6. I´ve had good coffee. Which is just unheard of in ixiamas. Becky being here sure helps things.

7. I´m having to do internet way more than I like.

8. WE HAVE A MONKEY! Named Chas. I love him.

9. We have kittens. I might bring one back.

10. I´ll try to post every once in a while.

Check back for i´m sure interesting stories about how I´m completely incompetent.....

Oh, in sad news, one of my favorite kids got kicked out of the internado. I´m going to go look for her in town to talk to her.

In happy news I found out Zoraida...my chicitita peligrosa...(dangerous little girl) still lives in town. Í´m going to stalk the elementary school to see her this week. We´ll see how that goes.

I´ll try to be a faithful for my 3 readers (thanks Rachel, SFL, Holli, A - MAYBE? and Cassie sometimes).

:)